Healing What Hurts
The Emotional and Physical Bodies are Intertwined
I've had so many conversations in the past week with clients who are hurting, we've discussed how they want to feel stronger and leave pain behind. How they can deal with painful situations and unfair circumstances.
Initially, the work I do starts with the physical body. People come to me with issues such as back pain, frozen shoulders, disabilities, or simply because they feel unable to get their body as healthy as they would like. However, nine times out of ten, we end up engaging in emotional healing to achieve physical success.
The physical body is the lens to the emotional body. More on this HERE>>
The Connection Between Physical and Emotional Healing
Our emotional and physical bodies are completely interconnected. I use the physical body as a gateway to understanding what needs healing emotionally. For instance, shoulder pain often indicates that you're carrying too much weight emotionally. The right side of the body represents the masculine side.
I experienced this firsthand. I used to suffer from a persistent pain in my right shoulder. Nothing seemed to help, until after a difficult breakup, the pain disappeared. When I started a new relationship, the pain returned, only to disappear again after that relationship ended. My body had been telling me I was not in alignment with myself, but I hadn’t been listening.
When I first work with clients, I don’t always mention the emotional aspect. Many aren’t open to it, and it can feel vulnerable to have your emotions read just by someone looking at your body. But in time, even those who initially think it’s "a load of hoo-haa" find themselves sharing their emotional struggles as part of their physical healing journey and self-development. As we become more in tune with our physical bodies, we start recognising the connection to our emotional selves.
What can we do if life suddenly pulls the rug from under our feet?
The first step is realizing this is not the end. One of my favourite sayings is:
““It will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end”. ”
This is true for all of us. Whether you’re experiencing setbacks in your personal life, professional life, or with your health, trust that these changes are for your greater good, however cruel they may feel. It can be particularly harsh if it’s happened before, or if you’ve given your all to someone who’s returned your love with a painful sting. But whatever you’re feeling, these are emotions—they are not you. They are tools to teach you what is right and what is wrong for you (more on this in the "Listen to Yourself" section).
These ‘knockbacks’ are life (the universe, fate, God—whatever you prefer to call it) telling you that you’ve gone down the wrong path. These wrong paths are often a result of being disconnected from yourself. Either we push ourselves too hard until life forces us to stop, or we prioritise helping others over putting ourselves first. You may not have realised that you are worth much more than you’ve been allowing into your life. So when you think, "I’m unlucky, why do bad things happen to me?" it’s because you haven’t recognised how fabulous you truly are—you’ve only been allowing less than you deserve into your life.
1. Take Responsibility
Recognise that you haven’t been listening to yourself. Maybe you’ve been doing what you think is right, or going after what you think you want. But I can confidently say that if you’ve recently had a setback, you haven’t been listening to yourself properly. I bet you’ve made yourself so busy that you’ve had no time to rest, meditate, enjoy a bath, or self-reflect.
A busy mind often signals we’re avoiding difficult truths or changes that feel overwhelming.
It is also time to take responsibility for not loving yourself enough. When you love yourself, you teach yourself and others your worth. Start telling yourself: “I am worthy of everything good in my life,” and keep repeating that until you believe it.
2. Be Grateful
See your setbacks as blessings. One of my clients, a highly successful man with a difficult childhood, told me that his past challenges made him who he is today. He sees painful moments as opportunities for something better. If things aren’t where you want them to be, remember you’ve created space for something greater.
He told me that he had a difficult childhood, but he learned that if he hadn’t been through those traumas, he wouldn’t be where he is today. He sees life’s tough, stomach-churning moments as blessings. He knows that if something or someone leaves your life, it’s because they’re not for you, and they’re making space for something better.
If things aren’t where you want them to be right now, realise that you’ve created space for more. Every situation leads you to a better one if you listen and allow life to show you what’s waiting for you.
3. Let Go
Hanging on will only cause you more pain.
When we go through tough times, we often want to replay events in our minds, trying to make sense of them. But you do NOT need to do this. It creates an attachment to something that’s now in the past.
Instead, try this:
Whenever a memory or thought about your situation comes into your head, say to yourself, either mentally or aloud, "That’s the past, and not for me right now." End the thought, come back to the present, and focus on what you’re currently doing. It might take days or weeks of practice, but it will retrain your mind to stop giving attention to negative thoughts.
Our brains keep bringing these up to make sure we have learnt from the experience and it won’t happen again. Noting down what you have learnt and making peace with the knowing you can’t control the future will satisfy your mind enough to let this go.
4. Forgive
Not forgiving someone doesn’t hurt them—it only hurts you.
Not forgiving a situation or circumstance only hurts you.
Forgive others, forgive the situation, forgive yourself, and forgive the universe (or whatever you believe in) for putting you in that position. You don’t need to carry negative feelings or thoughts around—they will only weigh you down.
Listen to Yourself and Heal Without Trying
This isn’t about pushing thoughts away. Pushing a thought or feeling away can cause it to manifest physically (as pain or illness). Instead, it’s important to recognise how you feel and where your mind wants to go. The key difference is not giving the mind undue attention.
A wonderful mindfulness practice to help with this is:
Find a calm place where you cannot be disturbed and sit in a comfortable position.
Close your eyes and come to your meditation.
Let everything around you melt away from your attention and fall into the background.
Let your awareness fall to your breath and follow your breath.
Notice how the breath enters your body as you inhale and how the breath leaves your body as you exhale.
Notice where your breath meets your body as you follow the inhale,
and where the breath leaves your body as you follow the exhale.
As you follow the breath, start to focus more on where the breath is meeting your body and any sensations that arise as the breath touches you.
As it touches your throat
As it touches your chest,
your heart,
as it fills your lungs and lifts your ribs,
as it expands your belly
and stretches your back.
When you notice a sensation or feeling, give this a name. Such as ‘anxiety’ ‘fear’ ‘anger’ ‘sadness’ ‘loneliness’ ‘shock’ 'happiness' 'pleasure' 'delight' then imagine this word drawn in the air next to you.
In your minds-eye, see it float down and rest beside you.
As you notice more feelings and sensations, do the same and allow the words to sit together, next to you.
We can do the same with the mind. If your mind starts to wonder, allow the wondering to happen but do not give it any attention. Instead give the wondering a name. Here is a ‘memory’ for example.
See ‘M-E-M-O-R-Y’ written next to you and float down by your side.
This is a powerful tool to remind us that whatever we are feeling is not us. It is not part of us and it does not shape us.
It is something we are experiencing.
The English language doesn’t serve us well here. When we are experiencing an emotion we name ourselves as that emotion. For example I would say: I am sad. But really I should say: I am Charlette and today I am experiencing sadness. This gives us back our power and separates us from the emotion.
You are you. And this is a moment in time that is passing. Let it pass. When you separate from the emotion in this way, it stays with you for a much shorter time and doesn’t become part of your identity.
Allow yourself to feel, it is important but do not dwell on it and not push it away. Welcoming feelings creates a sense of calm and safety and helps them to pass faster. Know that you will experience feelings that have negative associations and welcome all of these feelings. Once they are welcome, there is no fear of them and they can then stop screaming at you for your attention.
5. Focus on Stability and Happiness
Stability
You are the most important person in your life, and if you don’t realize this, no one else will. To regain your footing, start by creating more stability in one key area—whether it’s finances, health, or living arrangements. Stability builds resilience.
Chose one thing that will give you more stability and make that your focus. Run with it. Allow time for this change to take place and make that your priority and set that as your goal. The more stability you can give and create for yourself, the less likely that life's little tests can rock you.
People won’t know you need support unless you ask them. If you need advice on where to start or how to accomplish something, then ask. If people offer help, TAKE IT! If you deny it you are denying that person the positive feelings they deserve from helping, so you will also be making someone else feel good by accepting generosity.
Some ways you can support yourself:
Listen to podcasts on your topic of interest
Enrol in a course
Ask someone who inspires you to become your mentor
Get active
Set small, achievable goals
Celebrate each small success
Happiness
Equally important is prioritising happiness. Find joy in the present moment, even if you have to "fake it till you make it." Watch comedy, smile, and remind yourself that you are safe and deserving of happiness. If happiness feels out of reach, start with small affirmations like: “I am allowing more happiness into my life.”
Practice trusting that things are going to come round and see if you can enjoy life for what it is now. Laugh at how rubbish things have been, there is always a lighter side to every situation. One day you will be so grateful for whats happened, I promise you!! You might even find it comical because your life is about to get so much better if you let it!
If happiness feels like it is a long way off to you, then change the wording until you find something that sits more comfortably with you. Such as 'I am allowing more happiness into my life' or 'I am becoming more aware of the good things in my life' or 'Just for today I will remember what happiness feels like'. Start here and it will grow but you must commit. Like everything it requires practise and soon you will start to see the positives around you.
Happiness inducing ideas:
Watch comedy and listen to happy music. No 'life sucks' playlists that will make you feel blue!!
Get active
Have a massage
Hug a friend
Start a gratitude journal, write down 3 things each day that you are grateful for
Start working towards that thing you have been putting off but really want to do
Final Thoughts
You are worth so much more than you’ve been allowing into your life. Life’s challenges are guiding you towards something better. Focus on stability, happiness, and most importantly, trust in yourself. You are supported, and you are safe.
I close with a poem:
MORE
I used to wonder why
life chose to test my skin.
Prodded, pushed and bruised me,
to make my thick skin thin.
I used to wonder why choose me
to trip me to the floor,
when every time you tripped me up,
I could never wish for more.
I used to wonder why suffocate
the life I feel inside,
the side of me that wants to play,
but now feels instead that it should hide.
I wondered why make me start again
when I have started so many times.
I've held my breath and closed my eyes
and swam against life's tides.
I used to wonder why go on
if this is to be my life,
if every time I find peace within
you cut at me with life's knife.
But now I wonder why not try,
one last defeated time,
to use the strength I've come across
to keep going past that line.
The line which shows what's 'good enough'
and where I might belong,
the line I always worked towards,
and then stayed, hanging on.
I never wondered what's beyond
the line of 'what's for me'.
It turns out it is beautiful,
and where I am set free.
I never wondered if I had
settled on less than I deserve,
and if the sting of life was life telling me
that I have a higher worth.
So wonder please if life is biting you
and gnawing at your feet,
why it's forcing you change your step;
It's leading you to feel complete.
Wonder please why life shakes you up,
to feel you might be losing,
it's so you can see there's more to life
than you have been choosing
Charlette x
If you have any questions on this topic or another, please share it with me. My clients inspire all of my writing.